“I’ve really struggled but it does not seem to work: Adolescents’ experiences of living with ADHD – a thematic analysis”

A new study published in BMC Psychology (2025) explores what it’s like for adolescents to live with ADHD, providing powerful insights from teens themselves. The research, led by Vendela Zetterqvist and colleagues, analyzed interviews with 20 adolescents (ages 15–17) who had recently completed an ADHD-focused skills training (DBT) program.

Key Findings: The Four Major Themes

📌 1. ADHD Feels Like a Struggle with Self-Regulation
Teens described difficulty managing their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. They often felt like they were either "on" (hyper-focused, impulsive) or "off" (disengaged, struggling to focus). Many reported sensory overload and racing thoughts, making it hard to filter information.

📌 2. ADHD feels like Constant Effort with Little Reward
Many adolescents expressed frustration that, despite working hard, they still struggled. School was exhausting, tasks felt overwhelming, and stress was ever-present. Some described feeling anxious, emotionally drained, or even resigned to failure.

📌 3. ADHD Affects Relationships & Well-Being
Teens often felt like their ADHD made them "too much" for others—talking too much, interrupting, or struggling with social cues. Others found relationships exhausting and felt misunderstood. This contributed to feelings of isolation and self-blame.

📌 4. Strengths & Growth: Things Can Get Better
Despite the challenges, many teens recognized ADHD-related strengths, like creativity, energy, and passion. Some found ways to turn stress into motivation, use coping strategies, or benefit from medication. Encouragingly, some also noticed their symptoms improving over time.

Why This Matters for ADHD Advocacy

🌟 Centering the voices of adolescents—not just parents and teachers—gives us a deeper understanding of their needs.
🌟 The emotional toll of ADHD is real, with stress, anxiety, and self-blame being common.
🌟 Support matters—whether through coping strategies, medication, or simply being understood.
🌟 ADHD isn't just a challenge—it can also be a source of creativity and drive!

Many current ADHD interventions focus on behavioral management, often emphasizing self-control, discipline, and compliance. However, this study (and many others on lived ADHD experiences) suggests that this approach usually fails adolescents, making them feel like their struggles are a personal failing rather than a difference in brain function. Instead, affirming care—which validates their experiences, strengths, and needs—seems to offer more meaningful support.

Why Behavioral Management Falls Short

Traditional ADHD treatment often teaches teens to suppress their symptoms—sit still, be quiet, focus harder—without addressing the underlying neurodiversity of ADHD.

In my office, teens report that these strategies leave them feeling exhausted, anxious, and misunderstood because they don’t align with how their brains work. When ADHD is seen as a deficit, teens often internalize shame and failure.

Affirming Care: A Better Approach

Affirming care recognizes that ADHD is a valid neurological difference rather than a set of "bad behaviors" to fix. It focuses on support, self-acceptance, and strengths rather than compliance and punishment. This means:
✅ Acknowledging ADHD-related struggles without blame
✅ Helping teens develop strategies that work for their brain, not against it
✅ Celebrating their unique strengths (creativity, hyperfocus, energy, etc.)
✅ Providing real accommodations that reduce stress and frustration

How to Apply Affirming Care at Home, School & With Teens

🔹 At Home:
1️⃣ Shift from “Why can’t you just…?” to “How can I help?”

• Instead of: "Why can’t you just do your homework?"

• Try: "What would make this easier for you? Want to try working in short bursts or with music on?"

2️⃣ Let go of “perfect” executive function & focus on progress.

• Messy rooms, unfinished tasks, and forgetfulness aren’t laziness. Help teens create routines that work for them, not neurotypical expectations.

3️⃣ Encourage energy & movement instead of forcing stillness.

• ADHD brains often work better when they move! Allow standing desks, fidget tools, or pacing while thinking.

4️⃣ Normalize ADHD struggles & model self-compassion.

• "I know focus is tough for you. That’s not your fault! Let’s try some different ways to get through this together."

🔹 At School:
1️⃣ Accommodations should reduce stress, not just push compliance.

• Flexible deadlines, alternative ways to show learning (video instead of essays), and shorter work sessions can increase success.

2️⃣ Encourage interest-based learning & hyperfocus-friendly tasks.

• Let students lean into their passions—whether that’s using Minecraft to learn math or writing about a favorite TV show.

3️⃣ Rethink discipline: No more punishment for ADHD traits.

• Instead of detentions for late work or talking out of turn, focus on collaborative problem-solving.

4️⃣ Train teachers on ADHD-affirming care!

• Most teachers only learn about ADHD as “disruptive behavior.” Educate them on how ADHD brains function so they can support, not punish.

🔹 Teaching Teens About This:
1️⃣ “Your brain isn’t broken—it’s just wired differently.” Help them understand how ADHD works, including strengths like creativity, problem-solving, and energy.
2️⃣ Teach self-advocacy: Help teens ask for accommodations at school and explain their needs to teachers, friends, and even employers.
3️⃣ Help them find strategies that work for them—body-doubling, movement-based learning, or using technology to manage tasks.
4️⃣ Encourage ADHD-friendly coping skills. Instead of forcing neurotypical productivity, teach realistic ways to work with their brain (e.g., working in short bursts with breaks (or hyperfocus), using timers, or making tasks fun).

ADHD Teens Need Support, Not Fixing

I think this study reinforces that affirming care is far more effective than trying to force ADHD teens into neurotypical molds. When we shift from behavioral control to understanding, support, and strengths-based strategies, we help teens thrive rather than struggle to survive.

😊Want to Learn More?
Expore the full study here

Thanks for reading the ADHD advocate.

I run ADHD support groups for women and am in the process of making the 30 courses and workbooks available from that group. I also run therapy practice of 30 years.

I am also in the process of developing an affirming community where neurodivergent women can connect.

Kristen McClure MSW, LCS