Shaping a More Inclusive World for Neurodivergent Children

The Pain of Being Chosen Last

I love watching MasterChef, but one part that always bothers me is when contestants have to pick teams. It’s inevitable that someone gets picked last, and then the host, Gordon Ramsay, will ask, "How does it feel to be picked last?" Recently, one contestant said, “I don’t care,” but I had to wonder—does she really mean that?

Even as adults, being left out can sting.

For kids, especially neurodivergent ones, these moments can feel even more isolating. I think back to gym class, which was always an awful time for me. I imagine it’s the same for many neurodivergent kids who might be clumsy or lack the same physical skills as their peers. Whether it’s gym class, group projects, or recess, being left on the sidelines is painful—even if you say, “I don’t care.”

Inclusion Should Be The Goal

I’ve attended workshops where therapists stress the importance of teaching kids who are left out the "skills" to fit in. The argument often sounds like: "If they don’t learn how to act right, they’ll continue to be excluded."

But this mindset can be harmful. It places the entire burden on neurodivergent kids to "adapt" to a neurotypical world, rather than asking how we can make spaces more accepting of all differences. Shouldn’t we focus on making environments where everyone belongs?

As adults, we have the power—and the responsibility—to do this.

Instead of pushing kids to mold themselves to fit in, wouldn’t it be more effective to teach everyone about kindness, acceptance, and inclusion from the start? It would.

Inclusion Needs to Be Proactive

Rather than focusing on teaching neurodivergent children to mask their true selves just to fit in, we need to be proactive in creating environments where all kids feel like they belong. Masking—pretending to be someone you’re not—often leads to burnout, depression, and even suicidal thoughts.

Teachers can take the lead by encouraging classmates to be inclusive and celebrating differences, instead of assuming some kids just won’t fit in unless they fundamentally change who they are. It’s about reminding students that everyone has strengths, even if those strengths show up differently than expected.

We can all be kinder, more patient, and more aware of the uniqueness that each person brings to the table.

In the end, it’s not about teaching a child with ADHD how to "act right" in social situations. It’s about making sure they never feel like they have to change who they are just to be included.

Let’s work together to create environments where all kids feel like they’re on the team—no matter what their abilities are.